weird?


i am? actually i feel like erm, blank? empty..i cant focus, i cant live my life fullest? why? something wrong with me? yes, of course something wrong in me. and there's a void in me. lately, semua benda macam tak berada kat landasan. study pun entah. aku cuba untuk stop ruining my life but saying it so easy. action? never.

kekadang aku nak people around me be honest with me..even just once. bagitahu aku ape yang tak kena dengan hidup aku? semua kucar kacir since last three years? makin aku cuba fix it..makin tersimpul. pernah terpikir aku yang truly troublesome or memang hidup keep changing and more challenging when we be adult? entah. friendship me and anas seem so dull and dark. we cant hang out, talk like before. no more jokes. such a nuisance hidup dewasa. kakak too. kisah dia lagi sadis

give me a word..good one to calm my sis. ngah seem so serious. ayah maybe akan pinang kakak for ngah. diorang dah 23 so paling lewat in 3 4 years later kahwin? last week me  and kakak keluar pusing2 and killed some times at Kluang Mall. lepas teman kakak beli novel, aku teruja nampak coolblog tinggal kakak alone kat popular...........then guess what unpredictable. she met aidil there. terkejut. maybe sangat terkejut tapi aku dapat rasa kakak bahagia malam tu. dia cakap dah nearly setahun tak jumpe aidil. erm last hang out last year maybe. with me and acap. kakak sayang suka aidil, maybe love him. tapi dia and ngah so complicated. melibat kan family. ngah memang sayang akak sepenuh jiwa. mami, ayah, mak long n chek akan sedih if kakak tak nak terima ngah. tapi macam kahwin paksa and berkorban macam novel? ridiculous right? tapi memang life akak macam tue sekarang. aidil maybe make her lofe shining tapi aku percaya ngah akan jaga and buat akak bahagia sampai tua sampai liang lahad. susah jugak ada pilihan ni. susah aku takde pilihan. masalah aku..."i keep crawling back to U"