Happy anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


hehari merunggut, hehari type surat resign, hehari text GM, OM nak resign (ok tipu, takde la hehari, seminggu dua sekali je)... but i still here, still working for this company. aish, sedar tak sedar dah setahun aku kerja, stuck here. Aish... seriously i want to resign, i want to go, i want my life back... but i still stuck here.

I love my company? of course not.
I love my job scope, job function? absolutely NO!

then what make me stay?
i stay because i love my assistant, i suka my GM, i cant disappointed my OM.

siapa tak terharu tahap gigit jari kuku cangung dapat superior aka bos macam BL?
datang lawat when i admitted due to dengue. siapa tak terharu, straightly call me cause worried when im not feeling well. Comfort me if something going wrong. Help me up & down. Always there stand for us, fight for us, protect us. I feel like a dad protect his family the way u treat us,

Mati hidup balik, mati hidup hidup mati 4x pun i cant meet someone like u.

IF AND ONLY IF I CANT ACCEPT IT?

u can call me stupid, idiot, insane, but i cant move on. i cant accept that i was losing him.
my mind still pretend that he still there, here...

im sorry. B, ampun. i cant be honest. i just.......cant tell u how i feel for him. i know, me..gigantic idiot..juara segala akal cetek. tapi B, what can i do if hati aku degil?

Im sick. Im tired. bodoh tanpa melampau. tipu diri sendiri.

Am I wrong? waiting for u? Even i know...already knew it, u wont come back? Maaf wahai hati, maaf wahai usia....8 years of waiting but nothing. Always mimpi tentang dia, a dream. a sign that i should walk away. Nothing lead to u, nothing i can do. U just a dream i cant make it as reality. Just a sweet sour dream.

Ice, can u do me a favor?
please go... just quietly go..disappear, dont come back. Pls dont reply my text. Pls. i need a solid, concrete, steel reinforcement reason  to hate u, hate u my wholehearted. Im not..like simply give up, but 8 years waiting for someone already "died", its absolutely insane + idiot. i want to be happy like before, i want to live a good, nice & meaningful like. I want to experienced, taste..i want to go through meaningful + wonderful life as claim & proud of my boss, Bl.

"i hope one day.. u'll be in luv, then u will know how wonderful +  colorful love is"
-BL, 2013-

I want a happy, simple life ice.  Im getting old. we aged. i have no energy to play the games.
Maybe, u should go..pls. i want to smile again.
Until now, i still longing..miss..love u the same ICE.


-ICENA, 24092014

Not A Single Day

Aishh Again & Again.
Thinking of You.

A day where I haven’t thought of you hasn’t passed yet

No matter how hard I try not to, even if I get sick on liquor and fall asleep

In the end I think about you again

Even if I purposely lean into another person’s embrace, even if I do that

When I open my eyes in the morning I’m so alarmed, seeing the phone

Remembering last night

Because I might have called you while I was drunk

I get so frightened

I drink in order to forget you

But when I get sick

I remember the girls I had met to forget you

Making me think of you more

A day where I haven’t thought of you hasn’t passed yet

No matter how hard I try not to, even if I get sick on liquor and fall asleep

In the end I think about you again

Even if I purposely lean into another person’s embrace, even if I do that

All day today busily positioning myself with work

Crazily leaving my body to do so

I kept making work without end, in case I might think of you

But even then

Living busily in order to try to forget you

But I don’t know my reason for living

Even if I try to forget you to the best of my ability, even for a moment

When I find the time I think of you again

A day where I haven’t thought of you hasn’t passed yet

No matter how hard I try not to, even if I get sick on liquor and fall asleep

In the end I think about you again

Even if I purposely lean into another person’s embrace, even if I do that

Do you think of me

Do you wonder if I’m lonely

Or have you already forgotten me and lost yourself in a new love

-Ice03082014-

My Madness. My Crush. Still u..ICE

You could be happy and I won't know. 

But i weren't happy the day I watched you go,

And all the things that I wished I had not said

Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were?

But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure

I should have stopped you from walking out the door

I could be happy, I hope i could be happy

You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you

And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that I always wanted to

Without you there to hold me back, 

don't think, just do

There's no you to stop me.

More than anything I want to see you, ICE

Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

-LYNNE, 11-MAY-2014

Alone..Breaking me down

hey u, happy birthday. As usual, u came & go without any clue.

as i told everyone..im gave up but my heart still into u, my heart gonna wait forever. im still holding on to u.
Stupid right? giant gigantic stupid woman. im stupid before, because i let my pride be top over everything. Now? im stupid because my pride wouldnt let me be real. even for a while.

Ape yang aku rasa towards u now? ape jawapan aku if people around me always asking why im so heartless? they have no clue, no idea, they will never know how i feel. how i're broke inside. how i fight with this loneliness.

"A serious girl, when she finds someone who calms her spirit & quiets her busy thoughts, she will love u so fiercely, it will defy even her own logic & reasoning"

 - it is so true. i cant find my logic & the reason why i love u so much. why i still holding on to a person who already died since 6 yrs ago? love u last 8 years, still love u after u banned me in ur life, still lov u now. love u in past, now & present? dont know, because i already loss my sanity & cannot find it back.


_happy birthday my ice_

WORKAHOLIC?

December already came and most end.....December!!!!
Happy birthday EL, happy birthday my love only lil bro, Happy birthday chek, abg long... December!!
zaman kekecil memuda dulu selalu celebrate birthday sesama among family. most of us born on December. Also my first love.. ops my first love girlfriend. MISS FARA.

December almost end, means new year will coming, my age will become? arghh. ok drop the subject.

I become abnormal now. i love my job so much. ( ye ke?) really committed. Like my boss told me and my assistant yesterday. "i see lynne more than i see my wife. i talk to her more than i talk to my wife". yeah Mr.BL, we communicate well i guess. so Bonus? haha.

sampai ke hari ni, aku rasa macam immpossible, unbelievable i become like this. i can wake up every morning without fail. i can comeback late to settle my task. i can finish it well. i become someone. not only JB branch acknowledge me. KL team, GM 1 Malaysia also know me. i never expect i will through this kind of life. career woman? my boss, my senior, my mates, my classmate  keep saying that im really tough can stay.. still alive in "that" organization. even engineer..guy, also cabut lari. what make me stay? because my pride. because people keep look down at my gender. and the foremost because of my boss. He really nice, really cute. the most loyal person i ever met. really care about me. amat.sangat. aku terlampau aggressive. most manager at JB dont like me. aku over strict, detail and terlalu aggressive. so hehari bos aku akan call "where are u lynne ah? with who? what u do? come back n see me." same word everyday. he really worried. i just dont get it. takot manager cincang aku cause kelantangan ku and laser? dont worry Mr.BL, im ok. i wont run away. still breathing.
my senior also good. even hehari kami mieoww arghh. tapi i know he worried about me. he also said im abnormal. most weird girl he ever met. ape yang pelik? regret arghh Mr.Y? hire me? u the one who chose me. :D


i have career now. happy stay with ein, kura. even in 1 week 2 times accident. mama always complaint hard to get in touch, to contact me. what to do ma... i busy.
maybe im happy, but something keep bothering me.

IM STILL INTO U!!!!!

after all this time...i still into u ice!

im moving on. yes. i am. maybe

ops... before ape ape.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY my ex lover, my ex sunshine, my ex bestfriend.

tarikh keramat. 4th august, since 2008. tak berupaya nak cerita sekarang. tarikh ice text me " delete all about me. we off, sumpah. taubat sampai mati pun.. aku tak kan jumpe. sampai kita mati. dah mati pun jangan harap kita akan jumpe. u choose ur friends." 

dah 5 tahun. tapi aku still ingat ayat tu. ok off... speaking off. bie marah. aku dah janji akan move on. yup... baca pelbagai theory nak moving on tapi satu pun tak jalan. 

dah hampir 2 bulan tak update. done with my study. tunggu masa nak keje. got 3 job offer. dah pilih mana nak. berlagak x bunyi nya? haha. pilih goyang kaki kat rumah jap. sambil buat lesen kereta. sumpah susah bawak kereta. susah mau drive. tapi if tak dapat lesen tak bole keje dengan company A. so by hook by crook kena paksa diri. insha ALLAH 1st sept lapor diri. 

now.. jadi waitress dulu. elak perang dunia kat umah so aku perlu keluar. selamat hari raya n happy birthday my ex bestfriend.